Though I do generally appreciate criticism, this is not necessarily how I wanted to start the first day of a new class, at 5am, with a chef I'd only heard horror stories about. We are required to always acknowledge a chef whenever we come across one, though the collective "Good morning, Chef." from the class was a tad slower and more confused than usual...
"Zat being said, I weel try to teach you as much as you can pooosibly take. Probably about as mooch as a donkey."
I have had quite a few chefs with various accents since I've started school, but I've never been quite so relieved to not be able to understand half of what the little French man said. His accent was a wonderful buffer between what he wanted to say to the class of students he'd never met, and what that group of students was actually able to understand.
Though, good news, Chef was dedicated enough to his class to write the highlights of his introductory speech on the board:
do not email, I don't care entremet project
useless
toques under table inspections
will be dishwashers
American monkeys
rosemary and lemon
pvc molds no warnings
knives
Of all the...interesting... pieces of information shared during morning lecture, the part that stood out most to me (as well, I'm sure, to most of my classmates) was that little side-note of "knives".
When he wrote knives on the board, I immediately assumed he would start talking about OUR knives: not sharp enough, too sharp, how "American monkeys" shouldn't be allowed to have them, etc.
Nope.
"Theees ees my ferst block back from being soospended for throwing knives at ze students. Don't make me get soospended again."
Fantastico.
I'd never before been inadvertently threatened so many times before the sun came up. As the day progressed, it was interesting seeing how it would feel to work in an insane asylum that has been taken over by its patients. I could write the most wonderful Literature essay about Animal Farm, now that I've lived it. There was the tyrannical French pig, as well as the terrified farm animals, most of which went insane just a couple chapters in. And you can't forget those animal sacrifices... or in this case, very loud and public beratings.
"Captain Ook could ave made a better cake."
"If dees chocolate is anyteeng to go by, you weel grow up to be a garbage man."
"WHYYYY ARE DERE WATER MARKS IN DE SINK?!!"
The best part of my day was when 1:30pm finally rolled around after 2 hours of cleaning the kitchen, and class was finally over.
"You ave 30 seconds. Get out."
As if I wanted to hang around...
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